


Divine Intervention

by Annwyd



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night (Visual Novel)
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 08:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2805347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annwyd/pseuds/Annwyd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the course of the Holy Grail War, Rider learns something of wishes and wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Divine Intervention

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Megkips](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megkips/gifts).



Here are the things that I know:

_I know how to be a goddess._ I know how to be an ideal creature, an embodiment of humanity's wishes and perfect desires. I can manifest myself as nothing but perfection. I can mirror what the people who look at me want. I can be a vessel for what they crave. That is easy. That is what I once was, so long ago.

_I know how to be a monster._ I know how to be a twisted thing, an embodiment of humanity's disgusts and regrets. I can carry within my tortured body the curses of all the people of the world. I can reflect their rage and their hatred. I can be nothing but a container for everything they wish to throw away. That is simple. That is what I once was, not so long ago.

Here is a thing that I do not know:

_I cannot be a human being._ I lack the knowledge of how to have my own wishes and desires. That is very difficult.

* * *

I alight in the summoning circle upon feet that look human. It's a surprise. I had long since become a raging beast when Perseus hewed off my head, but here I am with soft skin and hands almost too delicate to wield a dagger.

Knowledge that I never needed as a goddess or a monster pours into my head. What a television is; how to speak twenty-first-century Japanese. I am used to being a vessel, and so I accept it without question as I study the dim room around me, lit mostly by the fading glow of magecraft.

True magic has long since weakened, my new store of information tells me. It has been thousands of years since creatures like you roamed the world. And yet--

The wizened old man in the corner is of no consequence. He may be full of magecraft, but his soul is hollowed-out, what's left of it festering. He will probably attempt to pass his curses on to me and others as those people always do, but that doesn't concern me now. I evaluate the situation before me, and only one part of it stands out.

The girl's eyes remind me of something. I cannot say what. But I approach her. "Are you my master?"

She looks at me like she's never been asked a question that gives her such power. And I--

I want something. I want her to say yes, with that mouth that's not been allowed to voice its needs.

* * *

The old man quizzes us both on strategy and sacrifice for an hour. I learn that the girl will not be commanding me; she will use up her command seals to give me to one who thirsts more for battle. I suppose I should have expected that. I understand that she is also used to being a vessel to be used and discarded by those with more powerful wishes.

She says little until the old man is gone. Then, as we ascend the stairs, she bows her head and whispers, "Rider...I'm very sorry."

"I don't understand," I say. "You're apologizing to me?"

"For giving you away," she says. "I didn't know! I didn't realize a Servant was a person!"

"Is that what you think? That I am a person." The question feels strange when it passes through my throat.

She nods and lowers her gaze as if about to confess something. "I expected a monster," she says.

I do not tell her that I am a monster. "Why?"

She just looks at me. If my tongue were more used to words, I would tell her that I see a human being behind those eyes.

"I understand," I say. "I won't ask needless questions any more. But--Sakura."

Her eyes widen at the use of her name. "Rider?"

"I will protect you."

* * *

She tells me everything, after that. The pains visited upon her in the past and the hope she clings to in the present. The sister she misses and resents; the boy she adores and wishes for.

Her name is Sakura. The word tastes like spring in my mouth that's so much more accustomed to the taste of blood.

The boy she gives me to has a name as well, but I see no reason to use it. He uses me as a tool, and I am used to that, so I pay him no special mind, save to occasionally imagine for him a wretched and bloody end. But it is not my place to give him that end; that should be Sakura's choice.

I watch her, instead, in the time given to me. I observe the person caught between expectations of godhood and the curse of monstrosity. She practices archery and does her best. She enjoys cooking.

Sometimes I watch the boy she likes as well. I don't know what to make of him. In my own life, there was no man who made me feel human. But that is what he is to her.

My eyes are covered, but still I see these things.

* * *

I fight to protect her and her alone for the first time in a corridor of her school, while she writhes in agony behind me, brought down by the desires that other people have imprinted on her flesh. The air is thick and heavy as her soul grabs at mana like she's gasping for air. Some people would stop protecting her right now, I know. She seems hardly human, on her knees and desperate like this; overwhelmed by desire as she is, she might be a goddess instead. Certainly, she could destroy the people around her like one.

I fight her sister's Servant without worrying about such trivialities. All that matters is that my Master survives, and on the other side of this red world, she finds a place where she can fulfill her wishes.

Archer fights more like a god than a hero himself--his moves bear no skill, his weapons bear no glory. He has only power and the wishes of his Master. Though I don't know who he is, I understand him as I dodge and block his blows: he exists for the wishes of others, and the curses they leave behind.

That is what I am, too. But it is not what I wish for Sakura. So I fight for her.

* * *

I fight to protect her and her alone for the last time in a cavern beneath the earth, too wet and too warm for the winter that lurks outside. I can sense the great conglomeration of curses lurking just beyond the twist of the passage, but they don't matter. All that matters is defeating this dark and twisted version of the knight-king before me. She claims to serve Sakura, but her own rage blocks her from seeing who Sakura truly is and what she truly wants.

Her power is great, but together with the boy Sakura so wants, I fight her. I know it will be my last fight. Sakura has no use for me after this; she wants and needs her sister, and she wants and needs this boy. She does not want or need a fallen goddess wielding a nail. I will fade with the grail, but that is fine if I can see Sakura live, her wishes fulfilled, just once before I go. It hardly matters if she is a monster now.

To save my Master, I fight another monster, one composed of nothing but curses and rage. Spat upon by the world, dragged through the mud, forced to confront the uselessness of her own ideals, Saber is familiar to me. But right now, she is the enemy.

I fight for Sakura, knowing that she is more than a monster.

* * *

I carry Sakura and her sister from the cavern.

(I will fade later.)

They're light in my arms, because I am a goddess and a monster, and the weight of mere human beings is nothing to me.

(I will fade when I have carried Sakura to safety.)

I dodge falling rocks with ease, because my speed is far above that of humans.

(I will fade when I have provided for Sakura everything she needs to be a human being who is happy. So I'll need to stay around longer to fetch the boy she likes as well.)

Sakura stirs in my arms, and I realize that my purpose has grown complicated.

* * *

I don't fade. Sakura lives and will still need a defender. She needs a teacher in magecraft as well. Is there something else she needs from me? I'm not sure. Regardless, day after day, I remain.

* * *

"Rider, what was your wish?"

"What are you asking, Sakura?"

"Servants aren't summoned unless they have a wish. Ah, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it. We can just go and have lunch instead--!"

"No. It is fine."

"Then...?"

"My wish was for you to live."

"Ah, Rider!"

"This world is granting me that wish day by day, but you are still at times clumsy, and the world of magi holds dangers still. Shirou is too weak to defend you on his own. So I choose to remain and grant my own wish myself."

Her cheeks are crimson, but she smiles like no monster has ever smiled, her eyes kinder than those of any goddess. "Then, is it okay, Rider? I wish for you to live with me, at my side. Don't ever leave me. Can I be that selfish?"

"You are allowed," I say. "I will kill anyone who says you are not." Her smile falters. "Or perhaps I will merely petrify them a little?"

"Rider!"

She is alive. She is happy. If she scolds me, I do not mind.


End file.
